Madonna on the Wall

New Picture (1)

“Madonna of the Flowers”, by SunshineShelle

 My sweet Madonna on the wall, so beautifully painted I can tell. So tell me my love, how can you look like something straight out of hell? The demon is laughing at you with your baby so pink. What? Oh my, at me did you just wink?

Enhanced by your beauty the flowers around you bloom. But my sweet, do they mask the impending doom. Although your hand may hold that creature at bay; I am focused on your breast and don’t look his way.

Is that an evil spawn you are holding in your arm? Are you spinning a spell or maybe forming a charm? My love, are you protesting my gaze or with my longing do you agree? My sweet blue Madonna what are you saying to me?

Tell me my queen about your deep dark secrets hidden inside. But don’t be surprised if they confuse me or make me want hide. Here on the outside this is a chasm I dare not cross. If I enter your world I fear there might be loss.

Madonna my love
Come to me from the darkness
Cloak me in your veil

 

 

 

 

 My First Run at it before realizing I needed prose

The “Madonna of the Flowers” by SunshineShelle;
Looks like something straight out of hell.
The demon is laughing, her baby is pink.
And is she flirting? Is that a wink?

Amongst the flames the flowers bloom.
They mask the feeling of impending doom.
The hand in the air holds the creature at bay.
And that breast! Oh what can I say?

Is that evil it feeds in her arm?
What spell is spun, or is it a charm?
Does she protest or does she agree?
What is she trying to say to me?

The deep dark secrets hidden inside;
Only confuse me, make me hide.
This is a chasm I dare not cross.
For I fear there might be a loss.

 

Madonna my love
Come to me from the darkness
Cloak me in your veil

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About photoclark

Who am I? I ask myself that every day. But in reality I am just me.......
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21 Responses to Madonna on the Wall

  1. Rosemary Nissen-Wade says:

    I think you made something new and even better with the rewrite.

  2. This could be a re-telling of Persephone with the addition of a child born. Full of possibilities!

  3. georginamorley says:

    Bravo!! I loved both renditions of your piece *I missed the prose part but didn’t have time to alter mine* 😀 XXX

  4. Both renditions are wonderful. I enjoyed the humor of your first draft. But must admit that the rewrite (which reads like a completely new poem at the core) is my favorite of the two. Not just because it follows the format–I love poetic experimentation. I love it because the speaker in that poem goes deeper… he sees more… he finds more… ♥

    • photoclark says:

      Thank you. It’s interesting to me that after writing a poem, I can begin to re-read it after it sits for a period and new and wonderful ideas form and it screams to be edited. So often I find myself calling a piece “finished” when in reality I need to fall back on my journalism training and look at it with the reader’s eyes and not my own. Some I feel are perfect in my eyes and I so love hearing how people interprets it differently. Thank you again for your thoughts.

  5. Sanaa Rizvi says:

    Glorious write 🙂

  6. I love your inspired take on the Madonna, questioning yet, insightful, yet keeping your distance, almost preferring to leave the questions unanswered than bound yourself intimately to the subject, almost like she, the actions/landscape are amazing to ponder but too close and you may not escape… I also loved that undercurrent of humour, awesome.

  7. Amy Stevens says:

    Wonderfully done. I am a fan of the second version, though the first is great as well.

  8. Khaya Ronkainen says:

    Love both pieces. But one with prose looks much deeper at Madonna whilst maintaining the humour also visible in the first draft.

  9. Rommy says:

    Both are wonderful, but I’ll add my admiration of the second version along with the others who have commented. There’s a lovely macabre humor in this. She becomes almost a vampiric Mona Lisa in your version, an iconic ghoul, and that’s pretty cool.

  10. whimsygizmo says:

    I like the combination of pondering and foreboding felt in this…

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